You want what you can't have
by syrai
Summary: Alec and Max are having “serious” conversation whether to tell Logan the truth about their relationship or not. COMPLETE.


PAIRINGS: Max/Alec

KEYWORDS: some sort of missing scene  
RATING: PG-13  
SPOILERS: around "Exposure" and after

SUMMARY: Max and Alec are having "serious" conversation whether to tell Logan the truth about their relationship or not. Mwuahah.

DISCLAIMER: As always - I do not own these characters in any way, they belong to someone else jada, jada, jada. And just for the record; No money is being made from the use of these characters, okay?

A/N: This is funny thing. First of all this is just something I wrote when I had really boring math lesson so I WARN YOU now – there is no big plot in this, just something I thought I should write to get it out of my system! Some one have a problem with that? Too bad. 

Also… hmm… I'm using this scene type in one of my other story but the pairing is different, I know stupid but the idea just didn't leave me alone – I just couldn't resist it. Anyway, I wanted and I goddamn needed to see what it would be between Max and Alec. Hope ya like it and if you do, please let me know if not, lemme know that too. I have PRETTY time with laughing at flames which says there is no plot – duh? I told there ain't gonna be so DON'T read it then! And beside flames kinda do help me improve my story too )

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"I'm not gonna fight with ya 'bout this, Alec! Not anymore. We went through this earlier and I know what you think… So if this is the only reason why you paged me here then…" 

Max tossed her hair over her shoulder which clearly proved that she was annoyed and more than that - tired. On top of that she was really getting pissed off. She stared at Alec who was standing in the middle of his apartment, looking at her like she had killed someone. Why did he have to be a hard ass on this one? After all she had done for him, not willingly but still done this was the one favor he couldn't do for her! Talking about appreciation, Alec probably didn't even know what that whole word meant!

"I'm outta here. I gotta go to Joshua's anyway." Max threw her hands into the air backing few steps, turned around and headed toward the door to leave before she'd do anything she would regret later. She couldn't stand to be near him anymore, not without wanting to kick him you-know-where. And that wouldn't be pretty.

"The hell ya are!" Alec stopped her by grabbing her arm just when she had opened the door. He pulled her back forcing her to turn around shutting the door by pushing her back against the door with a thumb.

"What the..? Don't make me kick your ass, Alec!" Max lowered her voice to a level that promised a fight and the look she gave him was as murderous as her voice.

"Yeah? Well, I've heard that one before…"

"Figures."

"Shut up, Maxie."

Max raised an eyebrow.

"See you ain't going nowhere till we get this thing over and done", Alec snarled through gritted teeth. For a sec he just wanted to shake Max real hard to make her realize what she had done. Everything had gone so smoothly for him and then she had to do something stupid and make him look bad all over again!

"I think I deserve some kind of explanation here, Max", Alec continued. "And better than the one you gave me earlier!" He was looking at her threateningly.

Okay, it was true that he wasn't a fan of Logan's but she had no right to tell him that they had some... some thing going on! Alec didn't want anything to do with their screwed up on/off-relationship which seemed to be never ending nightmare. To him anyway. And yet it wasn't like he wanted them to be together... No, that wasn't it cause actually he was kind of glad that Max had broken up with Logan but in some level that was a PROBLEM. A real big one.

Max didn't really get his problem. He knew that she was sorry, what else did he want? Her to kneel down in front of him and beg for his forgiveness? No way! Alec had done so much worse things then she ever had even thought about and like it wasn't enough, she had always saved his ass! And this was what she got for return! Thanks a lot Alec, you're really a true friend, aren't ya?

"Look, I said I'm sorry, okay? And I also told you that I had to push him away so leave it already, will ya? What's done is done! Get over it!" she snapped and continued, "And get the hell away from me, Alec like now! Don't make me hurt you again 'cause I'm so not up to that right now!"

"I thought hurting me is your favorite thing to do!" Alec smirked even though he didn't see anything funny in that particular moment they were having.

"I'm just afraid I would end up hurtin' you too bad", Max answered with an angry smirk in her lips. By quick move she shook his hands off her shoulders pushing him further. Okay, maybe she did understand his reaction but why – why, why, why couldn't he just let it go? It wasn't like he was friends with Logan or anything so what the hell was it?

Suddenly the look in his face changed and he shrugged. "I'm just tired of being the bad guy in every God damn story, Maxie", Alec said lifting his hands to air like in defense. This time his voice was so softly that for a moment Max thought she was dreaming. Did he really know how to talk like that? Of course he does, Max thought snapping herself back to reality once again. He had played with every woman in this town so of course he knows!

"You have to tell him the truth", Alec said and Max shook her head crossing her arms in front of her. "No I don't."

"He's gonna find out sooner or later."

"I guess it has to be later then!"

"Max", his voice had got a warning tone as he looked into her eyes trying to send her a message. As usual, she didn't get it.

"Oh like you haven't lied before?" she mocked him and crossed her arms tilting her head to one side. Her lips twisted into a mischievous grin.

Damn she looked good! No, no, no! Alec wanted to hit his head against the wall for a short moment. No, no, no! This was exactly the reason why Max and Logan had to be together. God damn – no! It was so unfair… She disliked him from the bottom of her heart and what did he do? Yeah, this is great. He liked her...

Oh man, the thought hit him like a lightning. He God damn loved her. It came to him so suddenly that he had to take a long deep breath to clear up his thoughts. Love? Was he really in love with her? No, couldn't be.

That was the point where Max decided to change her tactic.

"Come on, Alec, please. It's just one little white lie... It's not like I ask you to bring the moon for me for heaven's sake!" She kept a little pause before she continued again, "Look, this isn't easy for me and I assure you ain't helping here, Alec", Max said breaking her train of unpleasant thoughts. Alec massaged his neck with one hand before he answered lowering his voice dangerously. "I wasn't trying to help ya Maxie."

"Believe me, I know", she said briefly glancing round the room searching for something to hit him with but didn't seem to find anything. She was so close to hurt him and he just kept pushing and pushing!

"What's up with you anyway, Maxie? First you act like a lover or something and then you turn into this cold blooded bitch… It's kinda hart for a guy say which one you are from the outside!"

How the hell had that anything to do with the subject?

Shit, he cursed silently. This was the last thing he needed to mess up with his head. Feelings. At least not for her. Alec hoped that she would smack him onto head as hard as she just could. Maybe that would clear things up, he thought. It was insane! If Max had been in heat it would have explained it but... now it was just insane. There were no change in hell that he'd been in heat since the males didn't have it... Then why did he wanna touch her cheek, caress her skin, kiss her lips... drown into those big brown eyes full of... anger. He snapped back to present from his thoughts. Anger?

"Alec? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You! I mean you and Logan. This sick game you keep playing…"

"I'd say that it's a game over, Alec. We seem to have a little problem between us and it's called a GENETICALLY TARGETED RETROVIRUS in case you didn't know yet, you asshole!?"

"Darn, Maxie, that hurt."

"God I hope so!" she sniffed. "We can't be together."

"What?"

Max looked at him raising her eyebrows with a question in her eyes. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Me and Logan. I can't even be around him without putting him into a danger, ya know that. It's a risk I just can't take. I'd forget… and I'd touch him… and kill him by accident and then what?"

Alec nodded. "Okay, see your point. Then it'd be a major game over."

"You think!?" She exclaimed taking her voice up couple of levels. Finally Alec gave up. It was no use to fight with her anyway when he knew that he couldn't win this time. "Okay, so I'm not gonna tell anything to him. I'll lie… even though I'll go to hell 'cause of it."

"You're going to hell anyway!"

"I ignore that, Maxie but only because you're obviously upset... So, happy now?" Alec asked and sighed. This isn't good, he thought. This was absolutely NOT good...

"Thanks... I really appreciate it, Alec, really... It's too risky to be even near him and... if he thinks there's something going on between us... ya know, that should keep him away from me. And it sure keeps me away from him", Max said but the sentence was pointed more to herself then to him and Alec knew it.

"You worry too much, Maxie", he said and tried to smile but it wasn't easy. He had to make him say those words and the smile was more like grimace than a normal smirk of his. "Yea, well somebody has to! If I wanna keep him alive! These emotions are just gonna come into my way!" Max almost yelled.

"Fine. I'll shut up."

"I have to keep my head clear."

"Fine", Alec said again. You're not the only one who has to do that, he thought. "And until this bitch has been beaten… I can't even talk to him... not face to face, anyway."

"Fine, I got it already. If you want me to say you're doing the right thing, fine; you're doing the right thing. I said I won't tell so you can't stop that whining. It's fine, Max, you hear me, fine!"

"Stop saying that! It's not fine!" Max yelled suddenly and frowned hear forehead. She herself wasn't sure what she just had said. This was all Alec's fault! He totally confused her!

"It's not?" Alec raised his eyebrows and stared at Max. What the hell was going on in her mind? "What? I mean it's fine", Max said and took a deep breath. "It is?" Alec questioned frowning. Okay, now she had confused him as well?

"Yes... of course. It's fine. Sorry... just had to let some steam out. So everything is fine."

"Say, what would you do if I told you that I wanna kiss you right here and right now?" Alec asked. Oops..! He hadn't actually thought about saying that... it had just blurted out of his mouth and Max's answer didn't make him feel any better.

"I'd kick your ass, that's what I'd do."

Alec raised his eyebrow and nodded biting his lower lip trying to look amused. "Not exactly what I wanted to hear", he said. "Sorry but that's the only thing you're gonna hear!" Max closed her eyes and rested her head against the door. This wasn't good damn happening! Why did he have to joke in a moment like this? "This isn't good…"

"Do you have any idea what you do to me, Maxie?"

The question made her blink her eyes open. "No, not a clue and I don't wanna know", Max replied immediately. Alec stepped closer. "You don't huh? Well, you're gonna hear it anyway! You make me act like some lovesick kiddo or...or some dirty dog in heat, you think I like that feeling? Well I don't!" he yelled and hit the wall next to Max making her to startle. "I'm sorry, Max-"

"No, don't be sorry... be nothing 'cause that's exactly what's gonna come out of this, Alec. Nothing can come out of this", Max interrupted him. Alec gave a soft laugh. "I'd really kiss you if you didn't kick my ass."

"I don't think that has ever stopped you from doing anything", Max said without realizing how he would react on to those words. "You might be right", Alec said staring at her so tight that for a moment she almost forgot how to breathe. Think clearly Max, she commanded herself though it didn't seem to help much.

The corner of his mouth quirked up into a small amused smile and without even thinking it more, Alec moved closer, reached out and pushed some of her hair behind her ear... Her skin was so soft... Then he pulled her into a rough kiss.

He flew straight up to somewhere close to heaven which was weird, really weird - usually kisses meant nothing to him… he didn't normally even call it a kiss. It was just touch of lips against lips, something that had usually been part of his assignment that's all but this time... this time there was something he had never felt before. It was like this invisible power had gone through his entire body making him lose his mind and making his knees soft. Even breathing was too difficult. The feeling got bigger and bigger when he felt her responding, making it softer but yet deeper... better. Then she suddenly pushed him away covering her mouth with both of her hands and took shaky breath looking at him with enlarged eyes. When Alec saw the fear in her eyes it was like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest.

What had he done!? A mistake. Once again he had messed things up.

"What the fuck was that?" she asked with a quiet wavering voice which wasn't Max at all. Where was the real, strong and though Max? The one who would had already beaten his ass 10 times in a row?

"What was that?" she whispered again.

"New game?" he offered and ran an awkward hand through his hair trying to find out the right words to say. You fucking idiot, he kept telling to himself. "Okay, so we may have another problem..." he said finally. "Either I'm in heat which I think is impossible or I have feelings for you... which is impossible too."

"You're such a romantic person, ya know that?" Max said and now she begin to sound like herself. She was fire from toes to her fingers once.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do, huh? It's not like I planned that this would be the perfect day for falling in love with you, god damn!" He threw his hands up in the air and then...

The next kiss melted her away. She hadn't even noticed how Alec had moved closer until it was too late. He pressed her body against the door so she was completely unable to move… not that she wanted to move… Max knew that she should pull herself away from him but he couldn't make herself to do that. It had been so long since she had felt so comfortable... so good.

_Logan?_ Oh my God... What about Logan?

**What about him?** Little voice inside her head said. She had never felt anything like this in his arms and that had to mean something... If she loved him then how was she able to do… whatever she was doing with Alec now? Max didn't know and frankly she didn't even wanna know!

"I will kick your ass 'cause of this... I... just... don't have the... time right now..." Max moaned between the kisses. What are ya doing? she asked from herself trying to wake up but the question didn't really seem to make a connection with her brains. " I can... see that", Alec whispered against her lips. "I'll... just go... now."

"Please don't... Max... I want you."

Max looked up into his eyes and smiled to cover up her real feelings. Oh my God, I can't do this... she thought. Suddenly she just wanted to cry... I shouldn't do this... If there were one thing she had learnt from Logan it was that she wasn't good with feelings. Something happened always and emotions... they just screwed things up. She wasn't gonna do the same mistake again. Logan had almost got killed 'cause of her!

"Max, I want ya", he said again.

"But you can't have me", Max whispered back so quiet that he hardly heard her. "I know", Alec whispered back caressing her cheek. "And it kills me."

She kissed him for one more time with a smile on her lips before she forced him to back off, turned around and opened the door again.

And with that, she left.


End file.
